Matchmaker

*"What You Got" by Reveille blasts over the speakers and the crowd is instantly on its feet.  Ash emerges backstage with the NRWL Championship belt held overhead.  He makes his way down the ramp, slapping fans' hands and pumping up the crowd on his way.  He climbs into the ring and continues riling up the crowd.  After a minute, he puts the belt around his waist, takes the mic and the cheers quell...*

Ash:  Hey everyone.  Guess what?  The fans' favorite wrestler....IS THE NRWL CHAMPION!!!

*crowd explodes with cheers*

Ash:  Boy, does this feel good!  A guy can get used to this *shines belt around his waist with the sleeve of his hoodie*  My hat, if I had one, goes off to Johnny Young.  He gave me a tough fight.  But I knew it wasn't going to be a walk in the park because--

*"Breathe Into Me" by Red starts playing and Jacob Washingtong steps out to the stage.  He walks down to the ring and stops on the mat outside of the ring.  He takes a mic.*

Jacob:  I'm really sorry to interrupt your celebration here, Ash, but I just can't stand by idly and let you make an idiot out of yourself.  Listen to you!  It's embarrassing!  You're doing everything in your power to squeeze every last bit of approval from these people out here.  Are you really that insecure?  Just stop it already.

Ash:  Who.....*who* are you?  I'm sorry sir, but you must be lost.  It's a big arena so it's understandable.  Please see an usher and they will help you locate your seat.

*crowd laughs at Jacob*

Jacob:  *smiling*  Oh ho ho!  Aren't you a clever boy?  Cracking jokes and dishing out fourth-grade level digs.  Way to act the champion.  What exactly did you do to earn that title shot?  I'll answer that for you.  Nothing.  And now you're out here parading it around like you're great or something.

Ash:  I am great!  Just like these fans here!  You're not bad yourself.  You did quite well in your match.  But...you're a rookie, and that's all I got for you.

Jacob:  So you beat Johnny Young!  Big whoop!  He hasn't done anything worth anything his entire NRWL career.  And actually, neither have you!  In fact, I'll go a step further and say that EVERYONE who has ever held the best since Season 3, is a complete and total joke!  As of now, that belt really has no value, if any dork can hold it and it's not offered to deserving talent!

Ash:  Let's cut to the chase, Jacob, cause I'm done wasting time with you.  Your out here because you want a crack at this I'll bet.  Am I right?

Jacob:  Yeah!

Ash:  Why do you deserve a title shot?

Jacob:  I--

Ash:  I'll answer for you.  You don't!

*crowd cheers with approval.  Jacob smiles and rolls his eyes.  He walks over to the steps and climbs them slowly and steps into the ring.  He steps toe-to-toe with Ash and looks him in the eye, still smiling wily. Just then, "Stain" by Full Devil Jackets plays.  Ash and Jacob turn their gaze towards the top of the ramp, and Johnny Young steps out to a thunderous applause from the crowd.  He walks down to the ring, grabs a mic, and steps in and leans back against the turnbuckle.*

Johnny:   Aaawww yeeeaahh...how about we start talking about how the Star Player fits into all this?  Ash, who is this guy you let into the ring?

Ash:  Jared Wilkenson.

*Jacob turns to Johnny and stands right in his face*

Jacob:  My name is Jacob Washington.  You got something to say to me?

Johnny:  Jacob....Jacob...?  Oh!  You're the guy who said a minutes ago that I never accomplished anything in the NRWL.  Interesting...I didn't think being a 2-time NRWL Champion qualified as "not accomplishing anything."  Congratulations on your incredible display of ignorance.  I'm wondering when I'm going to get a rematch, because Jacob, you clearly aren't next in line for anything!  You are irrelevant.

Jacob:  Might I point out, that you lost your title....to THIS guy?  *Jacob points at Ash*  That's all the proof anyone needs to know that you are a bigger joke than he is.  But me, I'm the real deal!  I'm gonna--

*"Wake Up* by myDownfall starts blasting and "Hardcore" Adam comes out to cheers.  He also climbs into the ring with a mic.*

Adam:  All this talk about "rookies" and "deserving" and "next in line,"....you know, I'm usually pretty low key.  I don't ask for a lot.  I go out, I do my job, and I go home.  But it certainly seems that the only way you get cracks at the belt is by coming out here, beating your chest, and crying for a shot.  That's not my style, but if that's what it takes, then here we go.  Ash, congratulations on your first title win, but I'm better than you.  Johnny, you're the star player, but I'm better than you.  Jacob, you're tough as nails, but I'm better than you.  I want a shot at that belt.

*Tiger Johnson's theme hits and Tiger walks down to the ring.  He climbs in with a mic*

Tiger:  Ok, listen up everybody.  Everyone in this ring can might have a valid claim for a title shot.  But here's another way to look at who should get a title shot.  I've been in the business for a long time.  "Hardcore" Adam can attest to that.  Hell, I remember when he was just called "Adam" and was known as the "Master of Submissions."  But besides that, I'm the biggest man in the NRWL, I'm the toughest man in the NRWL, and I have the most devastating moves in the NRWL.  I'm sure Adam can vouch for the power of the leg.  So that belt should belong to the toughest guy in the federation, and that's me!

*Jacob, Johnny, Adam, and Tiger all get in each others' faces and start quarreling*

Ash:  Guys!  Guys!  Cool it!  I'm the champion, and not only am I the champion, but I'm also the fans favorite!  *crowd cheers*  I have my finger on the vein of what the fans want because I'm on the same page as they are!  And rather than listen to you guys all talk about how great you are, we want to see you show us how great you are!  So, I propose a Fatal 4-Way match between you, with the winner getting #1 contender and a shot at the belt the following show!

*crowd cheers are prospective match*

Ash:  But remember, once one of you proves that you're better than the other three, you still have the hard part after that - ME!  *Ash hold the belt overhead to a loud cheer*  Good luck, gentlemen.  I'll see one of you at the following show!

*"What You Got" blasts and Ash exits the ring, holding the belt up in one hand the his fist up in the other, pumping up the crowd as he walks backwards up the ramp.  The four men in the ring stare at him as he walks away, and then they all turn and face each other silently as the scene fades*

Never Hit A Lady - Well Almost Never

*Jay Phillips is standing in Paul Priest's locker room. The room itself is lined with mirrors and a vanity desk with lots of hair product covering the top. Paul is looking at himself in the mirror. As he turns his head to check out his right side, he sees Jay standing behind him. He shudders to himself and turns around.*

Paul Priest: Oh god... Who are you and why, might I ask, are you so ugly?

Jay Phillips: I'm Jay... hey! What? Mr. Priest, I am here to get some answers as to why you attacked Trixie, multiple times I might add, in your match with Scotty Paris.

PP: Are you with Hollywood Insider? I thought the NRWL would keep you away from stars like myself until we were prepared.

JP: Hollywood...? No! I'm Jay Phillips of the NRWL.

PP: Eh? Well, whatever. Your question? It was about Trixie, yes?

JP: Yes. The whole world wants to know why you attacked a woman like that! It was truly shocking. One of the most shocking things in NRWL history. Would you care to elabor -- Paul? Paul?

*Paul Priest has turned his attention back toward his mirrored walls. He smiles to himself and brushes his hair aside.*

PP: Jay, look. I'm not aggressive toward women. I love women. I love all women. And they love me! This Trixie tramp, well, I don't know what her problem is. Maybe she's a lesbian, not that I haven't had my way with them either. Haha! Hahaha! Ah... last Summer in Venice. Anyway Jim --

JP: Jay.

PP: -- The fact is, I was settling my differences with this Scotty Paris guy and she comes down to the ring. I thought she had a change of heart and was coming to support me. It was shortly after that I realized she came down to support Scotty! Well, I don't know what to say, I was angry. What an insult! I put myself out there, she turns me down, and aligns herself with my opponent?

JP: You know she has been at Scotty's side since they came into the NRWL, right?

PP: What? Hmm... That does make more sense, I suppose. So she was there, distracting me and you know what? I just had enough. I just knew she was going to screw me over in that match and so I did what I had to do. I defended myself! The referee should have banned her from coming out there in the first place! What did the referee do? He disqualified me! If he had done his job in the first place, I would have won that match. Instead, I had to do it. I'm the tragic hero here, do you understand? If I could just get another match with Scotty Paris with Trixie banned from ringside, I can right this wrong.

JP: So you aren't taking any blame at all for this?

PP: You should leave. I have guests coming in a few minutes. Beautiful, very naked women. We'll probably break most of these mirrors because of all the action.

JP: Wow. Can... can I watch?

PP: That's sick! Get out of here!!!

*Paul opens the door and shoves Jay out the door. Just as he is tossed out, four, scantily clad women walk past him and into Paul's dressing room.*

PP: Ladies... come on in. I have some new moves to try. Can any of you touch your toes to the back of your head for an extended period of time?

*The door closes and Jay is standing there just staring at it.*

JP: This man is my god....

Bloody Japan

*Katsutoshi and Leiko are walking through the halls backstage. Katsutoshi walks proud having just challenged John Fraust to a match. Leiko looks at him with adoration. As they turn a corner, Katsutoshi bumps right into Fraust who is just standing there with a dead stare.*

Katsutoshi: Uhh... Geez. What are you standing here for?

John Fraust: I heard what you said out there.

K: Ah, right. Well look...

JF: No, hey, I get it. It's a great opportunity to make a name for yourself. I get it. I've been around long enough to know the game. Listen, I just wanted to introduce myself.

*Katsutoshi looks at Leiko, who merely shrugs at him. Both look a little confused.*

JF: John --- *Fraust belts Katsutoshi in the jaw with a right hand. Katsutoshi falls down and nearly knocks over Leiko. She looks at Fraust, fearfully. Fraust looks at her and then fakes a lunge toward her. She stumbles back but catches herself against a wall before falling over. She looks at Fraust and then pulls on Katsutoshi's arm. Katsutoshi is shaking his head trying to get his bearings but ultimately follows Leiko back from where they came.* --- Fraust.

*After a moment, a door opens in the hallway next to John Fraust. Mark Blood steps out and sees Fraust standing there.*

Mark Blood: Hey! Good to see you, man. I've been meaning to catch up with you since you came back. How are things?

JF: Not so good, Mark. Not good at all.

MB: What? Why? What's wrong?

JF: Well, for starters, I've been watching you over the last year. Your father and I trained you to get to this point and, well, frankly I expected more.

MB: Fraust, look, it's been a little rough lately but I have a plan. I know where I need to be and I'm working on it.

JF: Your plan sucks, Mark. You obviously haven't learned anything at all! Who the hell needs a "pure" wrestler these days? You need to adapt! You need to constantly evolve to make it in this business. Your father knew that. Just because this company made him look like some washed up technical wrestler doesn't mean that is who he was. He was in more brutal matches than I could ever imagine being in! I don't know where this righteous fight for purity came from but you're in the wrong business. You'll never make it.

MB: You know what? I should have known you'd think this way. You were exactly the problem with wrestling for years. You straightened out, cleaned up, started doing things the right way. What happened? You come back from... where did you go anyway?! You come back here and suddenly you're back to your old, grungy self. If anything, I am the one who expected more.

JF: I kind of thought you'd say that....... you're pathetic.

*Fraust walks away and down the hallway. Mark Blood, boiling with rage, follows him down the hallway.

MB: No! Don't walk away from me! Stop! What's your problem?!

*As Mark walks past a closet door that is partially open, Killer Malone pushes it up the rest of the way, knocking Mark off balance. Malone, armed with a bat, pokes Mark in the ribs and then whacks the bat across his shoulder blades. Mark Blood growls in pain and tries to stand up but is then clotheslined by Killer Malone. Malone kneels down and starts punching him. Malone stands up and John Fraust stands beside him. Both men look down at Mark Blood, who is motionless.*

Killer Malone: He's going to want to fight me now, you know.

JF: Yeah, but he'll come around... even if we have to beat it into him.

*Both men walk away as Mark Blood starts to stir on the floor. He has no idea where he is or even what happened. Once he is able to sit up and shake his head, his eyebrows lower and he clinches his teeth in anger.*

Generation Gap

*”PV” by Dazzle Vision blasts over the arena sound system and Katsutoshi walks down to the ring with Leiko behind him.  He walks down smiling confidently, nodding his head and with his arms out at his side in the “what’s up?” pose.  He climbs into the ring and take the mic.  The music dies down, and there several audible boo’s*

Katsutoshi:  Well, well, well!  To all you doubters out there, what do you have to say for yourself now?  I whooped your precious Balance, and whether you care to admit it or not, you actually enjoyed seeing it!

*now the entire crowd boo’s loudly*

Katsutoshi:  Oh boo yourselves!  You people lack the foresight!  If you could see past your ugly noses, you’d all be running to jump on the Katsutoshi bandwagon faster than you run to the unemployment lines for your undeserved handouts

*Boo’s*

Katsutoshi:  No.  Unlike you people, I have ambition and goals.  And the NRWL Champion will be mine sooner than you know it.  Now, I’ll admit it…beating Balance isn’t really anything to brag about.  Even the greatest of the greats sometimes have to start by scraping the bottom of the barrel.  But now it’s time to take on someone who actually somehow still has some marquee value

……………………………….John Fraust.

*crowd has a mixed reaction to the name – half cheers, half boos*

Katsutoshi:  Yup, here’s a guy who makes a long-awaited return to the ring….and falls flat on his face.  This might surprise a lot of you, but I was actually a huge fan of Fraust.  I used to watch him in the underground circuits of the WFW.  I used to yell and cheer at the TV when watching him in the incredible hardcore matches of the IRW.  I aspired to be like him as when he was the unstoppable Division 2 Champion during the NRWL’s inaugural season.  It’s true!  But the key word in all this…..”was.”  Now, I’m embarrassed for him.  Losing quite soundly to another wash-up, “Hardcore” Adam, and then raising Adam’s hand, post-match, in some sort of an attempt to save face from the humiliating defeat he was just dealt.  His career is in its death throes, and it’s painfully obvious to anyone with working eyes and a thinking brain.  But….his name still puts butts in the seats and still pulls weight…for some reason--which is why I’m calling him out.

*Katsutoshi turns and looks out the corner of this eyes up the ramp with cockiness*

Katsutoshi:  Fraust, your time as a main-eventer is done, we all know that.  But I can still use you and your past accolades that you’ve been riding, to propel myself up in the ranks…hopefully, that is.  I mean, after your excuse of a match last week, I can only hope that beating you isn’t less of an accomplishment than beating Balance.  You were a great champion back in your day.  But you know what?  So was Triple-Crown winner, Secretariat.  And do you know where he is now?  On a 3^rd grader’s art class project, holding glitter onto a construction-paper Christmas tree!  I’m going to do to you what “Hardcore” Adam should’ve done but couldn’t—put you and your wrestling career out to pasture in an Extreme Rules K.O. match!  If you think about it, it’s a win for both of us.  I get to move ahead with my success and continue building my legacy that will surpass yours, and you can go down fighting.  So, what do you say, Fraust?  Remember, I’m only offering you this opportunity to go out swinging and have people say “He fought ‘til the end!  What a gladiator!” because I was a big fan of yours.  And I really don’t want to see you become Mike Blood.  And believe me, you are on that path.  Let’s do this, so we can both move on to better things.  Championships and honors for me, and rest and retirement for you!  And who knows?  After I put you away, maybe I can put another old piece of unwanted furniture out to the curb……..”Hardcore” Adam.  But, one step at a time.  See you soon, Fraustie!

*”PV” blasts and Katsutoshi and Leiko leave the ring, both sporting shit-eating grins as then make their way up the ramp*

Retribution

*Jay Phillips catches up with Nick in the back hallways*

Jay:  Nick, can I ask you to comment on the match between the Sons of Darkness and Bruno and Max?

*Nick glares angrily at Jay*

Nick:  Jay, that match proved yet once again that this federation is either corrupt beyond imagination, or fraught with ineptitude.

Jay:  How so?

Nick:  Did you not watch the match, Jay?  How many times did Bruno and Max flagrantly break the rules?  I lost count.  The way the match was officiated was a laughable, pathetic disgrace at best!  When Bruno and Max actually played by the rules, they found themselves getting destroyed, as we all would expect.  So what do they do instead of accepting their fate?  They sink to the levels of crooks and cheaters!  How many times did we have one of them pinned, only to have the other one run in and break up the pin?  That's against the rules!  The Sons of Darkness should've had that match won at least 5 times if not for those run-ins!  They also attacked, on several occasion, the man who was not the legal man!  Including Max coming over to our corner on the outside, and attacking our man on the ring apron!  And if that's not enough, they attacked _ME_ several time!  Me!  It is sad that men have to stoop to such lows.  But if that's the game those two want to play, then let's play that game.  Next show, Bruno and Max, you two will take on the Sons of Darkness in a Tornado Tag Match, No DQ!  We will give you a taste of your own medicine tenfold!  And if you thought the beatings you received when Apollyon and Abbadon gave you were bad while they were confined to the rules, then you don't know what you are in for!  Enjoy your last days of being able to walk!

*Nick storms off*

Jay:  Looks like we're having Round 2 between the Sons of Darkness and Bruno and Max!  This is a match not to miss!

October 28th Event Results

After a long hiatus, the NRWL returned with the start of its fifth season on October 26th, 2012. Most of last season's roster returned but there were also a few new faces as well as some returning veterans.

The Season Five kickoff started with a bang! Fireworks shot through the arena. Fans were jumping out their seats. The NRWL Arena had come to life once again. To kick things off, fans got a taste of the old and the new as newcomer Katsutoshi entered the ring with his valet, Leiko. His opponent, the returning Balance, came down to the ring and pumped up the already excited crowd. The match was fast paced. Balance, the veteran, didn't show any ring rust as the match started but was a bit unprepared for the swift attacks from Katsutoshi. The match swayed in each man's favor throughout the match but as Balance tried to finish off his opponent, Leiko distracted the ref, preventing a pinfall. Ultimately, Katsutoshi was able to pin Balance to start his NRWL career off with great momentum.

During the buildup to the event, Tommy V challenged returning Masters of Wrestling legend Tiger Johnson to a match. Never one to back down from a fight, Tiger accepted and showed Tommy that the old dog still had some tricks. Tiger came out strong with big punches and thunderous slams. Tommy evened the battle by using his speed advantage and technical prowess to keep Tiger off his feet. Despite the attempt, he wasn't able to keep Tiger Johnson down for long. Tiger delivered a massive powerbomb, driving Tommy V seven feet to the mat. Tommy was unable to kick out of the pin that followed.

Tommy's protégé, Marcus, had made a challenge of his own. He went after Mark Blood. Both men came out to the ring hungry. Marcus, a former student of Flawless Fred, and Mark Blood, the son of the legendary wrestler Mike Blood wanted to prove that they weren't in the shadow of their predecessors. The match started with a back and forth struggle. Mark Blood delivered more strikes and reversals than Marcus but Marcus made even second count by delivering hard hitting slams. Marcus begins to control the match and while Mark Blood tried to mount a comeback, he was stopped by the Marc of Perfection. Marcus walked away with a strong sign that he is on his own path now.

Last season, a complete unknown named Mikey Armstrong appeared on the scene and despite all odds, went on to remain undefeated. This season, a new wrestler named Jacob Washingon appeared on the scene with a lot of hype and even more confidence. He promised to end Mikey Armstrong's undefeated streak. Both men looked impressive but it was Washington who controlled the early minutes of the match. Armstrong comes back strong and nearly gets a pinfall. Washington, getting a second wind, overpowered Armstrong. Washington slammed Armstrong hard to the mat and in a show of confidence, dragged his opponent to the other side of the ring where he pinned him for the win.

Bruno Kowalski had begun to train with returning legend Max Destruction and their alliance was on someone's radar. The Sons of Darkness, led by their manager Nick Belhor, challenged the powerhouse team to a tag team match. Apollyon and Abbadon of the Sons of Darkness dominated their opponents throughout the match. They came at Bruno and Max with a determination that the NRWL hasn't seen the previous season. Max is weakened by the SoD onslaught but managed to get a tag to his partner. Bruno valiantly tries to get control of the match but is dominated in the ring. After succumbing to Darkness Falls, it appeared that the Sons of Darkness would be victorious, however, Max Destruction broke up the pin attempt. In the midst of the breakup attempt, Max inadvertently knocked out the referee. Max begins brawling with Apollyon on the outside of the ring. Abbadon is caught off guard and Bruno pins him for an upset victory.

Last season, one of the most talked about rivalries in the NRWL was between two men who were originally tag tem partners. Most people expected Marty Anderson and Slugger Malone to be a long running and successful tag team. Malone had other ideas and turned his back on his partner. After a series of matches, the score was even. The rivalry was finally going to be settled in a Last Man Standing match. Marty Anderson and his former partner, now known by the name Killer Malone, started their brutal match with a lot of fists. Malone managed to keep control of the match. While it looked like Anderson may have been able to mount a comeback, a knee to the back of the skull knocked him out cold. The fans counted along with the referee but Anderson was unable to get up. Killer Malone stood over his former partner and celebrated his victory.

Prior to Season Three, John Fraust disappeared from the wrestling world. The announcement that he would be returning to the NRWL after all this time shocked and excited fans. He returned to the ring that was his home for so many years and immediately unleashed a verbal assault on the NRWL and its fans proclaiming the company had become a watered down version of its former self. Taking offense to this, Hardcore Adam, another legendary wrestler whose roots go back to Super Century Strong Fighter, came down to challenge Fraust. A brawl ensued and an Extreme Rules match was set for this event. Hardcore Adam came out to the ring with the fan's support. John Fraust confidently walked to the ring determined to beat his opponent. Once the bell rang, Fraust controlled the early part of the match. The tides turned when the action spilled to the outside. Hardcore Adam found a table under the ring and beat Fraust mercilessly with it. The action returned to the ring where Adam was able to gain a pinfall. After the match, in a surprising show of respect, Fraust congratulated Adam and raised his hand in the middle of the ring.

The closing months of Season Four included a unique "Colors Tournament", where Team Blue and Team Red battled for victory. The team captain would challenge NRWL Champion, Slam Jackson, at the final event of the season. Johnny Young's Team Red won the tournament and went on to win the title. During his victory speech he promised to treat the title with respect and defend it against all comers. Ash, captain of Team Blue, challenged Johnny's promise and the match was set to kick off Season Five. Both men looked determined to win. In a hard hitting match, Ash managed to maintain control early on. Johnny tried to reverse course but Ash's determination was strong. Ash pinned Johnny, becoming the NRWL Champion for the first time in his career. Ash celebrated with fans and ushered in the fifth season of the NRWL with a new attitude.

Eastern Beginning

*Jay approaches Katsutoshi and Leiko backstage*

Jay:  Excuse me, Katsutoshi!  Uh…..Konnichiwa?  Um…… *to Leiko* Are you his translator?

Katsutoshi:  I can speak English, Jay!  Geeze!

Jay:  Oh, sorry!  I didn’t—

Katsutoshi:  Just because I’m from Japan doesn’t mean I can’t speak a different language.  In fact, unlike the United States, we actually teach our children foreign languages!

Jay:  I’m sorry, Katsutoshi.  I just wanted to know your thoughts on your match with Balance tonight?

Katsutoshi:  My thoughts?  Your job is really useless, you know that Jay?  Here’s my thoughts.  Everybody is underestimating me.  That’s fine.  They’re the ones who are going to have to eat their words when I rise to the top.  I get that this is a business and corporate already has their prima-donna favorites picked out and ready to be marketed and sold – some before they have even stepped a foot on the canvas.  But that’s OK.  I don’t mind starting at the bottom and working my way up.  I’m in this garbage match with a garbage wrestler, Balance.  I’ll make short work of him and kick his head off Mortal Kombat style.  Within a few months, you’ll see the kids in the seats wearing shirts with my face on them, and waving rising-sun flags and chanting “JA-PAN!  JA-PAN!  JA-PAN!”  And then you can feel special and go around saying that you “knew” me back before I was the man on top.  But for now, you can sit back and watch it all unfold right before your eyes.

*Katsutoshi walks away.  Leiko walks up to Jay and gets really close to him.  Jay is visibly uncomfortable and Leiko leans in really close to his face.  She then snaps her gum incredibly louds, startling Jay, before she abruptly turns and walks away.  Scene ends with Jay looking confused.*

2 Elements Reappear

*Jay is in the interview area.*

Jay:  Hello ladies and gentlemen, I’m back here with Tommy V. and Marcus.  Well guys, it’s been a while, how does it feel to be back?

Tommy:  Well, it’s kinda lame that you’re still here, Jay.

Jay:  Well, I—

Tommy:  Quiet, this is our time.  Marcus and I, we’re back.  A lot has changed in the landscape of the NRWL, hasn’t it?  It’s bigger and more popular than when we were last seen, right Marcus?

Marcus:  Yeah, though the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Tommy:  This season is interesting in that it’s putting wily old veterans, mixed with experienced players, mixed with brand new talent.  And none of them seem to really like each other.

Marcus:  Tommy and I, we come from what most people consider the BEST era of the NRWL.  So one of us is going to take on some old-head, and one of us is going to take on one of the new pansies.

Jay:  Awful lot of “we” and “us” talk—

Tommy: Jay.  Be quiet. This isn’t your time to be speaking.  I’m going to be taking on that 7-foot living fossil, Tiger Johnson.

Marcus:  And I’ll be going against the biggest cry-baby the NRWL has evern seen, Mark Blood.

Tommy:  You’re lucky, Marc.  You’re actually going to have a match.  I don’t think Tiger will be able to walk all the way down to the ring without re-breaking his knee.  So my match is going to be over before it even starts.

Marcus:  Uh…do you realize I’m facing Mark Blood, right?  Mark.  Blood.  At least Tiger Johnson will have the guts to try to make it to the ring.  Mark Blood will probably go cry and hide under some covers, wailing for his daddy to bail him out, while also griping about how he’s some sort of technical wrestler that we should acknowledge.  Ha!

Tommy:  As you can see, Jay.  These matches will be fairly one-sided and over with very quickly.

Marcus:  We apologize in advance if fans feel they’re not getting their money’s worth by getting cheated out of 2 actual matches.  But it is what it is.

Tommy:  And that’s that.  Bye, Jay!

*Tommy and Marcus walk off-scene*

Jay:  Strong words from two strong individuals…or maybe from one strong team?  It’ll be interesting to see if they can back up their boasts!  Tune in this Sunday to find out!

A New Face of the Franchise?

*”Breathe Into Me* by The Red starts playing over the arena speakers and Jacob Washington makes his way down to the ring.  He takes a microphone and looks around for a few seconds before speaking*

Jacob:  Well, for those of you who don’t know who I am, my name is Jacob Washington.  I was signed for the NRWL’s Season 5 because the management of this company knew that it needed a real kick in the ass.  And I’m the man who’s here to do that kind of ass-kicking!  This season we’re seeing some new faces, but we’re also seeing some familiar ones.  It really is a shame the NRWL went and wasted so much money signing a bunch of washed-up has-beens like Marcus, Tommy V, John Fraust, and—hell I’ve even seen WarHead walking around backstage!

*crowd erupts into cheers at the mention of WarHead*

Jacob:  Oh..ok.  Mm hmm.  *sarcastically, mocking the fans, twirling his index finger in the air* Yeah.  WarHead.  Woooo!  Yeah!  Go WarHead!  You’re the hottest item in the NRWL!  I sleep with a cardboard cutout of you!  Yeah!  *returns to seriousness*  See?  That’s what’s wrong with all of you people.  You worship guys who have no business even having their name known by you.  Tell me, what has WarHead done since he left the IRW?  Yeah, I went there!  But really, what has he done?  You can say he won the NRWL Championship in Season 1 as the first champion.  Yup, he won it on a fluky Fatal 4 way match, and proceeded to lost the title almost immediately after and hasn’t done crap since!  Yet you people adore him!

Then last season the NRWL brings in a whole new roster and you put your hearts behind me like Slam Jackson and Ash.  Together, they’ve amounted to a whole lot of nothing.  Slam might’ve won the title, but became invisible immediately after.  And once he lost his title, the fickle *sardonica, faux-stupid voice* “Slamnation” *end sardonicism* abandoned him.  Now look, he’s all depressed and left the company.  I’m sure we’ll find him on a sidewalk somewhere with a “The End Is Near” sign draped over his body, selling pencils form a cup.  And Ash?  When your biggest accomplishment is being the captain of a losing team, I think it’s time to find a new line of work.

It really is sad and pathetic when the best thing that came out of Season 5 was a scrawny little imp named Mikey Armstrong who lucked his way to a couple of surprise upsets.  If that’s the best you’ve got, it’s no wonder management went out to find someone like me, to put some respectability back into this roster.  You people need me, even though you really don’t deserve m----“

Voice:  Quiet.  Shut up.  Stop talking.

*Mikey Armstrong walks out from backstage and stands at the top of the ramp*

Mikey:  You know, Jac Dub, you were doing fine right up until the end there.  WarHead, Ash, Slam, sure I’ll grant you their not the greatest people to have to make your roster look good.  Where you lost me and everyone else who has three functioning brain cells is where you said that it was sad and pathetic that I was the best thing to come out of Season 5, while in the same paragraph declaring yourself some kind of godsend.  Do you not see what’s wrong this that??  I am undefeated.  I am amazing.  And I am a juggernaut.  And you…will be looking for a new line of work once everyone sees that you can’t hack it.

Jacob:  Is that what you think?  Alright!  You’re going to be my first stepping stone.  I’m gonna swat you like the annoying mosquito that you are!  I’m a pure athlete, and you’re just a shifty, shady, shaggy little dweeb!  After I’m done with you, the only reason people will call you amazing is that it’s amazing that you’re able to walk after the beating you’re going to get.

Mikey:  Boy, this sounds familiar.  Where have I heard this before?  …..Oh yeah!  From EVERY opponent I ever faced!  Keep dreaming Jacob, but try not to cry too hard when you finally wake up and realize it all was just you playing make-believe!

*Mikey’s music hits and he walks backstage.  Jabob stands in the ring, with a scowl on his face*