The J-Transfer - Respect, Challenge, Determination, and Symbols

April 22nd 2011



Hey everyone! Jay Phillips here bringing you another J-Transfer! We got a lot of stuff for you today, so let’s start things off in the ring with Bruno Kowalski!



*Cutting into the action in the ring surrounded by cheering fans. Bruno Kowalski is speaking into the mic*




Bruno: --so to Marty Anderson, I say this. You’ve got the intestinal fortitude to take a beating like you did last week and maintain consciousness. Well done. But as far as your tag victory, there’s nothing that proves to me that it wasn’t a lucky tag any more than it was a good tag team strategy. Sorry, but that’ s just how it is. I see it as you guys stealing a win, not earning one. And speaking of earning stuff – it shouldn’t matter to you whether I “love you or I hate you.” But as far as respecting you, that’s something you’re going to have to earn. So at the next event, you’d better bring your A-game, because the Polish Powerhouse is ready to make sure you don’t steal another win!



*Cut back to Jay*




Strong words from Bruno. Will Marty have one more person respecting him, or will Kowalski lay the smacketh d----wait, nevermind. So here’s a soothing interview I had with Pedro Muchacho…



*Scene opens in a massage parlor. Pedro Muchacho is laying on his front on a massage bed-table thing getting a rub down from very attractive masseuse, wearing nothing but his luchador mask and towel over his backside. Jay crouches under the table and holds the mic up to the face hole in the bed so Pedro can speak into it*




Pedro: I theenk I proved that I am the reeel deeel. And now I go from one colorful opponent to another. Thees time, I want to take on Slam H-ackson. Thees hombre ees riding a weening streeek, but eets high time I put out hees flame. All the naranja clothes een the world won’t help you, chico. So come watch me fly, while you watch H-ackson fall!



*Scene ends. Cuts back to Jay*




Pedro Muchacho against Slam H-ackson? That’s a match I would LOVE to see! Entertainment guaranteed! So, later on at the event that we showed earlier that Bruno was talking at, Scotty “The Body” Paris got on the mic too—except he had a separate, private ring built in another part of the building where fans weren’t allowed.



*Scene cuts to Scotty Paris with a mic in a ring in an empty section of the arena. He is shown on the Revolu-Tron in the main ring area and his microphone is patched into the main PA system*




Scotty: You know, to get ahead in this world, you have to be persistent and forceful. But you people wouldn’t know anything about that. I mean, you all wear the same shirt at least twice in your life, and none of you have a signature style of track pants named after you. But if you want to see how it’s done – take a good look at me. I am now in the main event at the next show. How did I get that? Lots of reasons. Determination. Drive. Charisma. I bring a sorely needed fire to this snoozer of a match.




“Even the insertion of a ladder wouldn’t be enough to keep an my 92-year old grandmother awake in the nursing home I stuck her in! I mean, who wants to watch Frankenstein one-sidedly mash that unruly man-child, Rex Anarchy, into the mat again? “Wah! I don’t like rules!” Shut up! That’s stupid! What’s wrong with you? Rules are actually more fair than the anarchy you preach. Rules allow the exceptional people who are a cut above the rest to get ahead and excel in life – like they should. If you ran the universe, life would still be stuck at the plankton stage. And as for The Masked Bigfoot – he pretty much IS plankton, just floating around in muck with no purpose.”




“So rest assured, Scotty “The Body®” Paris™ will bring the game, looks, fire, charisma, intelligence, entertainment, and interest to this match! And I will walk away with a title shot in my back pocket and a smile on my face, while Rex and Hannibal Lector are left in the ring, scratching their heads wondering what happened! Ha!”




*cell phone rings*




“Hold on, I gotta take this. Hello? …….Who do you think this is??? ……..Well then why did you ask? Did you suddenly forget who I was when you saw my name in your contacts list?! ………….Listen, I’m busy right now. Call me back later. ……………..I’m promoting my upcoming match! Why? What do you want to discuss??? ……………Yeah. ……………Yeah. ……………..Right. ………………Ok. ……………….And what did you tell them? ………………..Did they go for that or not? ………………………And what did you say? ………………..Right. …………………….Well, that’s not the angle I would’ve gone with. That’s why you’re just and agent and not a star! ………………….Ok. ………………..No. ……………….”



*Cut back to Jay*




Jay: Scotty talked on his cell phone in the ring for another 15 minutes before finally leaving the ring, while still on the cell phone. We figured you wouldn’t care to watch that. And finally, on this J-Transfer, we leave you with video snippet. Thanks for watching the J-Transfer! See you next time!



*Scene cuts to a dressing room door that says “Quasar.” The door opens and, sure enough, Quasar is there. Before exiting he looks down on the ground, off camera, with a puzzled look. He reaches down and picks up a large piece of bark. On it are tribal marking and stick figure animals painted on it. He studies it with a furled brow while the scene fades out*