[“Tears Don’t Fall” by Bullet For My Valentine plays over the sound system and Travis 22 comes out at the top of the ramp smiling, yelling, and fist-pumping. He has a purple faux-hawk, red Hawaiian shirt, white shorts, sneakers, and white shutter shades.]
WarHead: Ooo! The circus is in town!
Jim “The Amp”Johnson: I heard about this guy.
[Travis 22 walks down the ramp talking to the crowd. Fans stretch their hands over the barricade and Travis puts his hand just *barely* out of reach, but acts like that’s normal, still talking up the crowd on his way to the ring.]
WarHead: What the--? Perhaps he needs glasses.
[Travis 22 climbs into the ring and takes a mic. He stands in the center and puts his hands on his hips triumphantly and smiles. The music dies down and he continues to stand there. The crowd is rather quiet with confusion.]
WarHead: Psst! Travis! This is where you speak into the microphone!
Jim: I’m sure he knows that. He’s being arrogant!
[Finally, after a long 30 seconds, Travis raises the mic.]
Travis 22: Oh yeah! That’s right! The Epoch of 22 has OFFICIALLY STARTED!!!!
[The crowd gives mixed reactions. Many are confused. Some cheer by default.]
Travis 22: Everyone can let out a great big sigh of relief because I am here! And I am going to give YOU the fans the type of wrestler, the type of entertainer, the type of franchise player, that you deserve!
[A portion of the crowd cheers. Most do not.]
Travis 22: I know some of you are hesitant to cheer, and I don’t blame you. Why would you? Why should you? What exactly have you had to cheer about? Nothing! You’re numb to the sub-standard set of talent that the NRWL has been pouring into your feed-bags! Well, NO MORE!!! Because I am three billion times better than all the rest of those dorks in the locker room!
WarHead: Oh boy…
Jim: Well that’s a nice way to introduce yourself.
[The crowd now starts jeering.]
Travis 22: I know, right!?!? I’d boo them too if I was in your place! Look at them! The quote Start Player end quote Johnny Young! The Fans Favorite goofball Ash! And the champion is called the Polish Powerhouse?!? El oh el! Oh man, you people have settled for far too less for far too long!
Jim: He just called out 3 NRWL champions.
WarHead: He’s lucky he didn’t call me out.
Travis 22: But that is how it was, and thanks to me, everyone here will have a reason to wake up in the morning! And each night everyone will say “Thank you Travis 22 for bettering my life,” before you drool yourselves to sleep on the recliner! Because I am the best wrestler on this roster now. My record speaks for itself! I am undefeated in every match I’ve ever been in!
WarHead: Wait, what? Let me see that stat sheet—
Jim: —I’m already checking into it.
Travis 22: From my elementary school playground, to my high school gym, to the development circuits, to now. Never lost a match! Nope. And I’m going to continue that winning streak in the NRWL!
WarHead: …that just doesn’t sound—
Jim: It’s not! He’s lost before!
Travis 22: And that streak continues when I take on the big oaf, Tiger Johnson. How about it, old timer? How does it sound to main event the next show?
WarHead: What about the Bruno/Max…?
Jim: He’s not main eventing the next show!!!
Travis 22: I know, it sounds scary. After what happened last time you headlined, I understand. But it won’t be as bad this time. When you’re in your hospital bed recovering, having your dinner pumped through your feeding tube, you too can also think happily “Travis 22 bettered my life.” It’d be good manners to send me a Thank-You card, FYI. And I’ll never forget you as the first stepping-stone on my path to becoming the NRWL champion! Thank you everybody!!!
[Travis 22’s music starts back up and he stands in the ring smiling while the crowd boos him. He waves and walks around the ring blowing the crowd kisses and fist pumps.]
WarHead: This freakin’ guy…
Jim: He might’ve bit off more than he can chew. Tiger is a former #1 contender and MoW legend.
WarHead: As a ringside commentator, I try to be neutral all the time, but I hope Tiger plants this guy.
Jim: We’ll see soon enough!
[Scene fades.]
