March 15th 2011
I know everyone is yearning to know my opinions on the recent NRWL Championship tournament. My inbox is filled every single day with adoring fans pleading for me to speak my mind. Well, my underprivileged fans, your wait is over.
The tournament can be summarized this way. Picture two adolescent howler monkeys comically chasing each other around the ring for a few minutes. Then, picture yourself throwing a blanket over one. The blanketed one struggles to find its way out of the sudden, confusing darkness, while the other one looks around dumbly and scratches its backside. Now, picture that happening 14 more times. That was essentially the tournament.
But what can you expect when you look at the roster? The Brokeback Mountain buddies Mr. Charles and Mr. Sunderland continually praise this "fresh new talent pool." I have yet to see any of this alleged "talent." And if it's a pool, it's one of those plastic kiddie ones. How can you take any sort of championship tournament seriously when you guys in it like Ingoyama. The man still lives in a straw hut and would shake his spear at his own shadow. Or take Quasar - can someone tell this guy that comic books and super heroes are things for children? Make sure you use small words though. His child-like mind may not be able to comprehend words with more than two syllables. What about Ash? Please escort him back to the cardboard box under whatever bridge you found him. Bruno Kowalski - don't quit your day job. Who will ride on the back of the truck and pick up the city's garbage then? And let's not forget Mark Blood. Like failure father, like failure son. I'm sure Mike Blood would be embarrassed if he actually had any pride in himself to begin with. It seemed that the only one who showed any sort of spark of having the right stuff is Scotty Paris, but we'll see if he actually makes anything out of that spark. He didn't help his cause by losing out to a Comic-Con cast-off.
I suppose I should comment on the man who won the championship, Rex Anarchy. Sure, the man won the tournament which might mean he's a cut above the rest. But if you look at it, it's like someone handing you a small Ziploc bag full of pennies, and then finding a nickel mixed in. Yeah, the nickel worth more, but not that much more, and it's almost as useless. You wouldn't feel bad if you dropped it down a storm drain. Rex Anarchy is that nickel mixed in with all the pennies. And no one would miss him if he was dropped down a storm drain.
So that's my weigh-in on this tournament. A big charade of low-talent wrestlers vying for their chance to tarnish the established name of the NRWL Championship title. None of these guys would have had a chance against some of the mid-card wrestlers that were around when I was an active wrestler. Guys like The Bean or even U.S. Abraham would give this current group trouble - let alone having to go against any elite wrestler, like myself. Times have changed indeed. I'm sorry you all have to endure this. Actually, no I'm not. You deserve it.
I'm Flawless Fred, and those are the Facts.
