May 9th 2011
*Scene cuts to Scotty “The Body” Paris reclining on a chair on his yacht out in the ocean. He’s talking into his cell phone (like usual). Sunning herself in a chair next to him is Trixie.*
Scotty: --oh yeah! Did you see the looks on their faces? It was the greatest thing ever! Those two monkeys were picking bugs out of each other's hair outside the ring, while I triumphantly climbed the ladder to snatch the briefcase *Scotty taps the briefcase, sitting next to his chair, with his free hand* The opportunity was there, and I took it! Because that’s what winners do! And I’m a winner! Now, I have a title shot for whenever I choose! And that’s how it should be! Because I should be making the decisions are here! And soon, I’ll be the NRWL champion! And I’ll give a winner’s face to this federation! I mean, look at Rex Anarchy. You know why he’s so anti-establishment? He’s upset they’re talking about not raising his welfare 5% this year! Loser like him mooch off the system and then gripe when they don’t get any more handouts. Maybe if he actually applied himself in life, he wouldn’t be such a failure at everything he does. He’s the perfect example of being satisfied with a little success. He wins the belt, and hasn’t done squat since. He’s done nothing to better himself. He reached a highpoint and content to plateau off. Not me! I had a shaky start because I underestimated the some of these hobos – I mean, who would’ve though you could learn some of those moves in an alley? But now, I’m on a roll! I am a contender for the belt, and nobody can say otherwise, because I have it in writing. Right –
*Scotty stops mid-sentence and looks at his phone*
Scotty: Hey listen Mom, I gotta go. I have another call that’s more important. Sorry I didn’t get to see you for Mother’s Day. Did you get the chocolate bar I sent you? ………What do you mean you’re diabetic? Since when are you diabetic? ……….uh huh…………...you’re whole life? You don’t say. Well, sorry, but you can’t expect me to remember things like this. Can you send the candy bar back then? I’ll eat it. Now listen, I really have to go. I’ll try to see you next year. Bye.
*hangs up and picks up the incoming call*
Scotty: WHAT DO YOU WANT?!? I’m busy!!!! …………………..Yeah, the gorilla in the mask that I beat last show. What about him? …………………….Say again? ……………………WHAT DO YOU MEAN “I HAVE A MATCH WITH HIM?!?!” Are you freaking crazy??!? I can’t have a match with Apollyon. I mean, I’m still recovering from that 10 foot fall I took when I won the last match. I couldn’t brace for the impact while clutching the briefcase! This is ridiculous!!! …………………………….. What “revenge?” Revenge on me for what??? ……………………………….No that’s HIS fault he lost, not mine!!! Listen, here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to get in contact with Mr. Sunderland AND Mr. Charles and tell them this match isn’t happening! ………………………………..What do you mean “You can’t stop the match?” You know what I call people who tell me “can’t???” I call them “ex-employees!” You figure something out. You’re job depends on it!
*Scotty throws his phone and it splashes into the ocean*
Trixie: *without moving* You get so worked up.
Scotty: I know. I just don’t understand why people are so spineless. “Wah! I can’t stop the match! They’ll yell at me! Wah!” So gutless.
*Trixie reaches over to a small table and picks up her margarita, takes a sip, and places it back down*
Trixie: Everyone else sucks, Scotty.
Scotty: You said it.
*scene cuts out*
