First Aid Gone Horribly Wrong

[Mr. Lifeguard is in the locker room. Paul Priest and Jade walk in and approach him.]

Mr. Lifeguard: Hey, look who it is! It’s so great to see you guys, the NRWL’s newest happy couple!

[Mr. Lifeguard extends a hand to Paul. Paul appears to be distracted and completely ignores the handshake request.]

Paul Priest: Yes, we came here looking for you, actually!

[Mr. Lifeguard puts his hand down.]

Mr. Lifeguard: Me?

Paul Priest: Yes. You see, Jade, my passionate lover here, is going to be in a wrestling match at the next show. I was very excited at first. Girl on girl action, right here in the NRWL? Amazing! Am I right?!

Mr. Lifeguard: Well sure! Always good to see athletes get an opportunity to succeed, be it a man or a woman.

[Paul scrunches his face and looks at Mr. Lifeguard.]

Paul Priest: What? What are you… Um, anyway. Here's the thing. I was pretty excited about it at first. But then, I thought to myself, "What would I do if Jade were somehow injured in the ring?" I decided it was time I educate myself on some basic first aid.

Mr. Lifeguard: That is wonderful! I wish more people would become familiar with first aid and safety techniques. Seeing as we are talking about a wrestling match, a common injury that should be properly dealt with is a neck or head injury.

Paul Priest: Perfect.

Mr. Lifeguard: Jade, please lie down on this mat on the floor.

[Jade makes herself comfortable on the mat.]

Mr. Lifeguard: Ok, Paul, you kneel down beside Jade here.

[Paul kneels down at Jade's shoulders.]

Mr. Lifeguard: Very important, you want to make sure you do not move the neck. Keep her head straight.

[Paul moves over above Jade's head and holds her neck in place. As he does this, he begins to caress her face and neck with his hands.]

Mr. Lifeguard: That’s not actually encouraged. You can lose concentration and possibly further aggravate the injury.

Paul Priest: It's important to be comfortable. How does that feel, my dear?

Jade: Mmmm.. That's nice, baby. I'm very comfortable.

Mr. Lifeguard: Uh. Ok, how about this. Let's try something else. Another injury that could occur is a leg injury. Let's say that Jade twists her knee. Are you familiar with RICE?

Jade: Oh, are we ever!!!

[Mr. Lifeguard gives her a questioning look.]

Paul Priest: Yep. It's our favorite position of them all! Reverse Indian C--

Mr. Lifeguard: Whoa! Hold up! Not- Not that. No. I’m talking about Rest, Ice, Compression, and Elevation! Come on, do you even care about first aid?

Jade: We do! I’ll feel a lot safer out there if Paul knows how to take care of me should something go wrong. We want to get this right.

Mr. Lifeguard: Ok, let's continue.

[Paul has a very concerned look on his face.]

Paul Priest: Doctor, I have a fear that something truly terrible may happen. What if... What if she stops breathing? Is there anything that can be done?

Mr. Lifeguard: First of all, I'm not a doctor, but I am a certified lifeguard with the American Lifeguard Association. Second, while I sincerely hope this does not happen, if Jade somehow suffers a terrible injury and stops breathing you'll need to perform CPR. Which stands for Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation! It does not stand for anything else!

[Jade and Paul look at each other with and both shake their heads.]

Jade: Not following, doc.

Mr. Lifeguard: I'm not a doctor!

Paul Priest: But you're dressed like one.

[Mr. Lifeguard looks at his outfit which is his normal wrestling attire.]

Mr. Lifeguard: I am not! Look, maybe we should stop.

Paul Priest: Wait, wait. No, this is important. We really do want to learn. Please.

Jade: Yes, please Mr. Lifeguard! We just want to be safe.

[Mr. Lifeguard closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and exhales. He opens his eyes.]

Mr. Lifeguard: Alright. CPR. It's a combination of rescue breaths and chest compressions.

[Jade begins to remove the top she is wearing.]

Mr. Lifeguard: What are you doing?

Jade: I feel I should remove my shirt if we need to perform on my chest.

Mr. Lifeguard: No, that's not right at all. You can leave your clothes on.

Jade: I really feel like I'm supposed to do this.

Paul Priest: I agree.

[Mr. Lifeguard waves his hands.]

Mr. Lifeguard: Let's try it my way first. OK?

[Paul shrugs and Jade pulls her top back down.]

Paul Priest: [muttering to Jade] This is never going to work.

Mr. Lifeguard: Let's start with the rescue breathing. Paul, if you need to perform rescue breathing you will tilt Jade's head back a little to ensure an open airway. Then, you'll pinch her nose. Finally, if this were a real situation, you would cover her mouth with yours and breathe in.

Paul Priest: Ok, I think I got this.

[Paul tilts Jade's head back slightly and pinches her nose.]

Mr. Lifeguard: That's it! You got it. Great job, Paul!

[Paul then covers Jade's mouth with his and the two begin kissing passionately.]

Mr. Lifeguard: Wait! Stop! If you do that to a stranger, they can press charges! It’s not proper procedure!

Paul Priest: I really think we are getting it, though. I do!

Jade: It's true. I feel refreshed already.

Mr. Lifeguard: It's not supposed to be THAT refreshing.

Paul Priest: Now, you mentioned something about chest compressions?

Mr. Lifeguard: Yes. You'll need to find the middle of Jade's chest and place one of your palms there. Place the other hand on top. In a real emergency situation, you would push down on her chest.

[Paul moves into position. He correctly places his hands on Jade's chest and holds them there.]

Jade: It's not working. I really think it would be better if I took my shirt off.

Mr. Lifeguard: He's not doing anything! He's just in position. He's not going to do the actual compressions. This is only to be done if you are not breathing. You can be seriously hurt otherwise.

[Paul's hands shift from their proper CPR position and begin to cup Jade's breasts. Jade closes her eyes and moans.]

Jade: Oh yeah…. This CPR is awesome…

Paul Priest: Seriously. This will be our new warm up routine!

Mr. Lifeguard: No! This isn’t right!

[Mr. Lifeguard, at the end of his wits, pulls Paul off of Jade. Paul pulls Mr. Lifeguard down on the floor. Jade gets up and gets in between both men as Paul is standing up. Paul trips and knocks Jade on top of Mr. Lifeguard. Paul grabs hold of Jade’s waist from behind and is about to pull her off when all three hear a scream and freeze in position. All three slowly turn their head toward the door to the locker room. A young child in a wheelchair is in the doorway. His mother is behind him. The child has a photograph of Mr. Lifeguard and a marker in his hands. He looks horrified.]

Child: Mommy! Mr. Lifeguard is having a threesome!

Mother: I -- Well, I never! This isn't first aid, Billy! Forget you ever saw it!!! Let’s get out of here!

[The mother pulls Billy’s wheelchair out of the room and they quickly escape down the hallway. Mr. Lifeguard throws Jade off of him, gets up, and runs down the hallway.]

Mr. Lifeguard: Wait! Wait!!! I can explain this!

[Paul and Jade just look at each other and shrug. A few moments later, Mr. Lifeguard returns and looks furious.]

Mr. Lifeguard: That young boy was Billy. The Make-A-Wish Foundation arranged to have him meet with me because he’s such a dedicated fan of first aid. You just ruined his moment. You have ruined his faith in first aid.

Paul Priest: He’ll get over it.

[Mr. Lifeguard’s eyes get wide.]

Mr. Lifeguard: I will make you pay for this in the ring. I will fix this mess you've caused.

[Mr. Lifeguard storms out. Paul and Jade watch him leave. Paul looks at Jade with a puzzled look.]

Paul Priest: Hey.

Jade: Yeah?

Paul Priest: How come I never get any of the Make-A-Wish kids?

Public Display of Aggression

[Scotty Paris is on the phone with his agent while Trixie stands next to him, looking at him with approval.]

Scotty Paris: ---because I told you to do it! Yeah, yeah. You know what? You’re fired. It’s about time I got an agent capable of handling the needs of a champion! This is ridiculous.

[Scotty snaps his phone in half and throws the pieces on the ground. Just as he does this, someone walks into his dressing room.]

Scotty Paris: You! Who let you in here?!

[Paul Priest walks into view with a big smile on his face. Jade is standing at his side.]

Paul Priest: Uh, I walked in the door.

[Paul points behind him with his thumb to the dressing room door. Scotty stares at the door, wide eyed.]

Scotty Paris: Unbelievable! I need a whole new staff. These people are completely incompetent!

[Scotty takes a new cell phone out of his pocket and dials the agent he just fired..]

Scotty Paris: You’re unfired. Fire all of my security staff and hire better ones. Then, pack up your desk because you’re fired again!

[Scotty throws his phone on the ground and stomps on it, shattering the screen. He walks over to a locker and takes out another phone. He makes another call, forgetting about Paul entering the room. Trixie squints at Paul and Jade and taps her toe on the floor.]

Trixie: Well, shouldn’t you be going? We’re busy here.

Paul Priest: You always were so hostile. It’s a real turn on, every time.

[Trixie face shifts to a furious glare.]

Paul Priest: Ok, geez… Look, we just wanted to congratulate ol’ Scotty on his championship victory! I, for one, am really proud of him coming back for injury, winning the title. You know, before he left, he and I were right there in heavy competition and one would have to think that I would be next in line for a shot at the belt, wouldn’t you say?

Trixie: Hah! That’s never going to happen. Scotty has better things to do than squish a bug like you. Take it somewhere else, Paul. There’s a long list of challengers ahead of the likes of you.

Paul Priest: That really hurts, Trixie.

[Paul looks down at the floor. Jade steps in front of him and stands face to face with Trixie.]

Jade: You’ve got a lot of nerve. This man is one of the greatest, most talented wrestlers in the ring..

[Jade turns to Paul and rubs his chest.]

Jade: And, I must say, one of the most talented men I’ve ever been in --

Trixie: -- Oh please shut up right now!!! I don’t want that visual. Paul, get out here and take your skank with you! Now!

[Jade turns around and slaps Trixie. Trixie stumbles back and rubs her cheek for a moment. She then tackles Jade and both women roll around on the floor brawling. Paul looks down at both of them and starts throwing his hands in the air.]

Paul Priest: Yes!!! This is awesome!!! Scotty! Bring your phone over here! We need to record this!

[In the background, Scotty is seen with his back to everyone, still on the phone. He waves a hand in their direction, clearly ignoring the situation. Both women get to their feet. Trixie shoves Jade back and she bumps into Paul, who catches her.]

Trixie: You know what? You want to get into this? Let’s do this in front of everyone.

Paul Priest: Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod…

Trixie: How about we settle this in the ring!

Jade: Oh, it’s on!

Paul Priest: Yes!!!! This is the greatest thing that has ever happened in the NRWL!

[Paul takes Jade’s hand and pulls her away while she stares at Trixie. Trixie gives Jade a cold stare of her own.]

Kiss and Make Up

[Jax Rivers walks up to a door backstage, takes a deep breath, and knocks on the door. After a moment, the door opens and Jade steps out. She eyes Jax angrily while placing a hand on her stomach instinctively.]

Jade: What do you want?

Jax Rivers: Listen, that match. Things got out of hand. You said some things to me about Mandy that I won't repeat. You were wrong to say that to me but I'm not here for an apology. I want to apologize to you.

Jade: You know what? You should be begging me for forgiveness! You kicked me in the stomach. I could have been seriously hurt.

Jax Rivers: I know. I know. Like I said, things got out of hand. I'm not that kind of guy. I don't hit women. The match was intense and I just lost my mind. I made a decision I shouldn't have and as soon as it happened, I regretted it. I just wanted to come here and tell you that I'm very sorry. You didn't deserve what I did.

[Jade measures Jax's remorseful look. She glances down the hallway and then visibly loosens up.]

Jade: That's all I needed to hear. It's ok.

[She takes Jax's hand. Jax looks at her and then to his hand, surprised.]

Jade: You're a good man, Jax Rivers.

[Jade presses up against Jax and gives him a passionate kiss on the lips. Jax, stunned, takes a few seconds to react. He gently pushes her away.]

Jax Rivers: Whoa.. Wait a minute.

[Jax hears a noise and looks down the hallway. Mandy is standing just a few feet away from them. She has tears in her eyes.]

Mandy: Jax?

Jax Rivers: Oh, geez. This isn't what it looks like!

Mandy: How could you?!

[Mandy turns and runs away. Jax pulls away from Jade and runs after her.]

Jax Rivers: Wait!

[Jade watches as Jax takes off after Mandy. She smiles and casually walks back into her dressing room.]

Foursome

[Mandy, Jax Rivers' girlfriend, is backstage with Jax while he is speaking with a trainer. She stands off to the side, minding her own business, when Paul Priest steps up behind her and taps her on the shoulder. Mandy turns around to see Paul staring at her with a straight face. No smarmy smile like he usually does.]

Mandy: Jax!

[Jax turns around, and immediately walks over, breaking his conversation.]

Jax Rivers: Hey! Get away from her. What's your deal, man? She's not interested in you. She's with me. Don't you have anything better to do than bother us?

Paul Priest: I'm not here to flirt with your girlfriend, Jax. Honestly, I made a mistake even bothering with her. She's not my type. No, I'm here to propose a challenge.

[Jax gets right into Paul's face.]

Jax Rivers: I beat you once. You're looking for a rematch? You got it. I'll leave you even bloodier than last time.

Paul Priest: No no no. That's not quite the match I'm looking for. I'm glad the two of you are together because my challenge involves both of you.

[Jax and Mandy look at each other with puzzled looks.]

Paul Priest: Your girl here. She's a big wrestling fan. How about she step into the ring? 

Jax Rivers: What? No way!

[Paul looks at Mandy.]

Paul Priest: How about it? I'm sure you'd love the opportunity to get into the ring.

[Mandy keeps quiet.]

Paul Priest: My challenge. The two of you against me and my favorite, uh, "exercise partner". Jade! Come here!

[A tall, dark haired woman wearing a dress that leaves little to the imagination and what could only be described as "stripper heels" walks up alongside Paul Priest.]

Paul Priest: What do you say?

Jax Rivers: This is insane. No way are we agreeing to this.

[Mandy pulls on Jax's shoulder.]

Mandy: Jax, wait a second. Maybe...

Jax Rivers: No. I'm not going to put you in danger.

Jade: He's probably right, little girl. You'll just get yourself hurt.

[Mandy frowns and then, without warning, tackles Jade and begins throwing fists. Jax pulls Mandy off of Jade while Paul gets between the girls.]

Mandy: You're on!!! We'll see you in the ring!

Jax Rivers: What?!?

Mandy: We're doing this!

[Jax pulls Mandy down the hallway, arguing with her. Paul helps Jade to her feet. They look at each other and smile as their plan appears to be coming together.]